Navigating the Journey of Grief and Loss Towards Healing

My family endured a series of unimaginable trauma 3 years ago. The pain was unbareable but we got through, yet somehow, for some reason things continue to spiral in my life. I guess the easy answer is it's me. I'm the common denominator...my flaws, my mistakes, my drama. I'm sure thats what people would say anyway. But before my life 'blew up', as I call it, I was not that person. I was a good mom raising our kids in an impossible situation with a severely

disabled child. I was respected, liked, close to all my siblings and had a lot of friends. I think about it every single day and I don't know what happened, when I started losing everything and everyone I had. I've been judged and abandoned by my family over the past 4 years. I don't even know the actual reason. I could've handled things better or differently but I was in the dark facing things no one I knew had ever been faced with. How could I have known how to react? It's so easy to disagree or judge someone but I didn't see anyone else walk in my shoes or offer me help or advice.

I thought losing our son 3 years ago would be the end of the trauma and pain with hopes of a new beginning, but it just keeps going. After our divorce my sisters slowly started cutting me off. Our divorce got ugly and my husband began having severe behavior issues we werent aware of at the time. They were always there for me and then just stopped. I don't know if my life just became too much for them, but I was in a mentally abusive home I was trying to get my kids and I out of. I was and am emotionally broken. When Matthew died they showed up at the hospital, sat with me, I thought we would be getting back to being a family. I thought Matthew brought us back together. They came to make themselves feel better, look better. They abandoned me and my kids right after his funeral. I can't explain the pain this causes me daily, that they refuse to talk to me, forgive me for things I don't even understand. I miss them. After that the financial situation became dire. Our house went to tax sale, I had a year to buy it back. Myself and my two kids moved into my late mother's house, which I owned with my siblings. I eventually lost both houses, left with barely enough to pay the debt my husband had and buy a new house this past December. Currently, my son just got married and had my first grandson. My son and I were always close but now he has a wife and child that I am not a part of. Gut wrenching pain is the only way to describe this new turn of events. It's clear there's only room for one woman in his life now. I've always felt if I could understand what God is telling me that I could end this ongoing sadness that has hovered over us for years. I pray everyday for guidance to know what I am doing wrong, what can I do better, how do I get my family back, whole again, while still just trying to get through the day and heal myself as well. This is only the beginning of a very long unfortunate story. I will go into detail on how we lost our son, our marriage, mental illness and more. I hope you stay with me.